Before I Go. . .

A few little thoughts before I leave.

I’m home for the first time in six months. After my brief break for Christmas with my family, I will ship off to Spain for what will be the longest time I’ll have ever been overseas in my life. My bags are (almost) packed, I’ve said goodbye to my friends in college, and my visa and passport are up to date. The only thing left to do now is to get on the plane and go.

There are a lot of things I wanted to do before I go. Some of them, like patching old clothes I’m bringing with me, practicing my Spanish, and finally buying a travel adapter, are easy- relaxing almost. I’ve been anticipating going to Spain to study for so long that it feels right to finally start preparing. But some things aren’t as easy about leaving, like preparing my mind for the inevitable challenges of living in another country.

There’s a fine line between reflection and stagnation, and after being home for a few weeks with very little to do compared to my life in college, I feel it keenly. In the first week of being home, when the contrast between my busy life in college and my much slower life at home, I’ve noticed a few key differences that I think it's worthwhile to reflect upon before I go.

I don’t know who, if anyone, will read this and benefit from it, but then again I suppose most writers write mainly for themselves anyways. So if nothing else, this short reflection will serve as a reminder for myself to look back on while I’m abroad on what I hoped to learn before I upend my life across the pond.

Lesson #1: Boredom is a Gift

This one takes some growing up for me to discover. I first heard it as a lyric for a song (during a workout, nonetheless), but I find it very true that some of my most brilliant ideas (forgive my boldness, but yes, my idea to put actual lemon zest in banana bread was brilliant) come from being bored. Shower thoughts are a real thing apparently.

While I’m taking classes in college, competing in a varsity sport, working, trying to balance a social life and job searching, I find I’m rarely bored. I’m sure I’ve missed more opportunities than I can count simply from overscheduling my life. I find though, that when I come home, I finally have space to reflect on the things that matter the most to me. I have space to consider which friendships and relationships are truly worth pursuing, and what ambitions I should really be putting my time into.

I feel I should make a disclaimer: I am NOT a fan of New Years’ Resolutions. If you aren’t going to muster the discipline to start doing something right away, what makes you think you’ll be any more successful come January 1st? I am in no way trying to “rebrand” my life by listing these lessons, but I am a believer in setting new intentions for my life every once in a while. And it so happens that I’m going to study abroad shortly after the New Year, so now seems as natural a time as ever to set new intentions.

So, the lesson I want to take to Spain with me is that boredom can actually be quite productive. I should allow myself to be bored when walking through the city to just notice the vibrance around me. Time will pass and I’ll eventually come home again, but while I’m there, be bored. Be alone with my thoughts more often.

Lesson #2: Gratitude is a Matter of Effort

No seriously. Gratitude is a choice.

This one needs little explanation I think, but it's important enough that it’s worth emphasizing.

Gratitude is independent of circumstances. Anyone can be grateful for a great meal, a great time with friends, an amazing car or whatever cool gadget, but it’s a mark of true mental strength to have none of those things and still be content. We all die anyways, right?

I won’t always have everything I think I need, especially when I’m traveling, but I will have everything God knows I need, and that will be enough. To further make the point, if I am not content with the things I have now, what would make me think I would be happy with more? I believe Charles Spurgeon makes this point perfectly in his quote below:

“It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness.”

Gratitude, even for little things, is a choice. The birds may not sing every morning, so smile on the mornings they do.

Lesson #3: The Art of Being Present

To be completely honest, I haven’t cracked this one yet. My disposition leans toward anxiety about the future, so it's a constant battle to remind myself to be here, where my feet are. While I’m home, it’s easy, after a few weeks, to start taking family walks, home-cooked meals, a queen-size bed (which feels enormous compared to my little college twin), and an abundance of quiet all for granted. I start to forget that the simple pleasures of home are just that- pleasures.

Even during busy seasons at school when I’m constantly hopping between classes, work, practice, and various events, it’s so natural to let my mind wander to the next event. How would I remember if I needed to stock up on extra apples from the dining hall in my dorm room otherwise? Like with most things in life I’ve found, focusing on the present moment is a matter of balance. Sometimes planning ahead is necessary, and sometimes you have to fly by the seat of your pants.

The chance to study abroad is a once-in-a-lifetime kind of opportunity, so it will demand all my mental presence. And it really is an art, staying present. But doesn’t that add to the excitement of it all? If it’s an art, that means it’s a skill, so it can be honed. Perhaps that’s what this whole “challenge yourself with new things” is about after all: practicing the art of thinking well. If that’s the case, then challenge accepted.

The Take-Home

Well, dear reader, if you’ve made it this far in this reflection/journal, then firstly, congratulations, and secondly, thank you for spending so much time reading my little thoughts. My intention with all of these meanderings is for someone who reads it to see some of themselves in my frantic ruminations, and to encourage people to slow down enough to set some boring intentions for their lives.

Don’t misunderstand me, exciting intentions are fabulous, but they’re just that: exciting. They’re designed to be short-term because they are exhausting.

I challenge you to instead allow yourself to slow down, and be bored. Notice what’s happening in your little life, and make an effort to be grateful. And of course, be present.

I’ll leave you with a little musing from Ralph Waldo Emerson:

“Few people know how to take a good walk. The qualifications are endurance, plain clothes, old shoes, an eye for nature, good humor, vast curiosity, good speech, good silence, and nothing to mush.”

Happy walking.